The Reluctant Recommender: Why Your Best Therapists Aren't Selling and What to Do About It
- michela henke cilenti
- Apr 20
- 7 min read
The energy in that room at ISPA Conference 2026 in Las Vegas was something else. Spa directors leaning forward, nodding hard, some visibly exhaling — finally hearing someone name what they'd been living with for years. Recommending and selling has never felt more urgent than it does right now: social commerce is breaking records, TikTok Shop alone drove nearly $1 billion in beauty sales in 2025, and yet in-spa skincare sales are quietly sliding. The guests are spending. Just not always with us. This session: From Hesitant to Confident: Selling & Recommending for the Reluctant Therapist was about closing that gap for good. If you were in the room, this is your summary to keep. If you missed it, consider this your invitation in. Either way, it's for you.
There are therapists and providers on your team right now who are extraordinary at what they do. Guests request them. Reviews mention them by name. They have more product knowledge than anyone on the floor. And they recommend just a trickle of products and home-care. You've trained them. You've given them scripts. You've tracked numbers and had the conversations, more than once. Nothing seems to stick.
Here's what I want you to consider: they are not the problem. The approach is.
After 25 years working across luxury branded experiences: The Ritz-Carlton, Belmond, The Four Seasons, St. Regis, Marriott and studying the intersection of behavioral psychology and sales culture, I can tell you with confidence that the recommending gap is not fundamentally a skills gap. It is a confidence- belief gap. And until we close it, no amount of traditional training will move the needle permanently.
Why This Matters More Right Now Than Ever Before
We are operating in the most compelling moment in spa industry history for this conversation. Global wellness spend is rising. Guests are arriving more informed, more invested in their health, and more willing to spend than at any point in recent memory. The demand is there. The intent is there. And yet most spas are leaving the majority of that opportunity completely untouched.
Here is the uncomfortable truth: when a therapist doesn't recommend, they aren't just missing a revenue moment. They are handing the guest full control over their own wellness outcomes and guests, however well-intentioned, are not equipped to make those decisions alone. They lack the vocabulary. They don't always know what's possible. They won't prioritize themselves unless someone with expertise gives them a compelling reason to.
When we stay silent, we tell ourselves we're respecting the guest. What we're actually doing is making a short-term choice, no awkwardness, no risk of a 'no' that creates a long-term loss. The guest gets a pleasant experience. But they don't get results. They don't build a wellness routine. They don't come back with the same loyalty or frequency. They don't send their friends. And they don't know what they're missing, because nobody told them.
A team that is underdeveloped in recommending isn't just underperforming commercially, it is underserving every single guest who walks through the door. That is the real cost of avoidance. And in a market this rich with possibility, it is a cost we simply cannot keep absorbing.
The Guest Already Knows What They Want. They Just Don't Know You Have It
Consider this: social commerce now drives over 50% of global beauty sales, with 58% of social media users purchasing beauty products directly on platforms like TikTok and Instagram. TikTok Shop alone generated nearly $1 billion in beauty sales in 2024. Your guests aren't arriving uninformed. They're arriving pre-sold — on ingredients, on results, on the idea that wellness products are worth investing in. They've already bought a serum from a 30-second video. They just haven't been given a compelling reason to buy one from the expert whose hands were just on their skin. That is the gap. And it is entirely yours to close.
So Why Don't Recommend More Often
When a therapist hesitates at the retail moment, we tend to diagnose it as lack of knowledge, lack of confidence, or lack of effort. But the psychology tells a different story.
Therapists chose their profession because they care. That care, that genuine, vocational drive to heal and serve is precisely what makes recommending feel uncomfortable. In their mind, recommending is the opposite of caring. It's pushing. It's taking advantage. It's becoming something they never wanted to be.
This is what I call the paradox of the caring professional. Their greatest professional strength becomes the very thing blocking their performance.
Add to this the current cognitive load of delivering a treatment managing technique, reading the guest's body, tracking time and recommending gets quietly dropped. Not maliciously. Not lazily. Psychologically.
From continuous survey and data collection I see that as of right now the top three ways this reluctance disguises itself in the treatment room:
"I didn't have time" — the most common, and the least true
"I'll wait for the guest to ask" — deferring to a guest who lacks the vocabulary and awareness to even know what to ask for
"I don't want to push" — avoiding a potential 'no' by never offering a 'yes'
These aren't excuses. They're psychological self-protection. They are an indicator that we are not developing the team on one hand and not building value on the other.
The Numbers Are a Great Indicator of Value Creation
One enhancement or retail product recommended per guest, per day, across a modest team calculated conservatively at $30 per recommendation generates at least $94,000 in additional annual revenue. That's not a stretch target. That's the base estimate.
The traditional approach — "Would you like to add aromatherapy?" — converts at around 8%. What I train to and support my teams to grow to is a personalized recommendation which is connected to the guest's stated wellness goal converts at 35–45%. The difference is connection. And retail and enhancement results up 10–200% in the first month are not uncommon when the belief shift happens first.
Why your Best Therapists Aren't Selling: What to do About It
Before any script, any training session, any role-play — leaders need to address what the therapist believes about recommending. Four reframes form the foundation:
Identity Reframe: "Recommending makes me pushy" → "Recommending is my professional responsibility"
Purpose Reframe: "I'm hitting my numbers" → "I'm serving their wellness goals"
Value Reframe: "I'm making them spend money" → "I'm creating better results and continued care"
Permission Reframe: "They'll ask if they want it" → "They are desperate for my guidance"
These aren't affirmations to paste on a staff room wall. They are coaching conversations. The deep, individual, relationship-based exchanges that shift the internal narrative before the external behavior can change. Once belief shifts, the Recommending Success Formula gives therapists the practical structure to follow: Trust, Timing, Value, Confidence, and Relevance. The five elements that must align for a recommendation to land naturally and consistently.
Why Most Training Doesn't Stick — and What Does
Most training programs deliver a room full of motivated people and a diary full of good intentions. Within six weeks, the numbers look exactly the same as before. Enthusiasm peaks in weeks two and three, old habits creep back in by month two, and the belief gap, which was never fully closed, quietly reopens.
Real change requires the session and the sustained follow-up. The session plants the seed. The weeks that follow are where culture actually shifts.
"The leader's role is not to manage performance — it's to coach transformation. There is a meaningful difference. One monitors. The other unlocks."
Two Programs Built to Move the Dial
This is precisely why I developed two programs designed not just to inspire, but to deliver measurable, lasting recommending change to help your best therapists sell.
The Spark is a 3.5-hour in-person session, fully personalised to your team's dynamics, personality profiles, and property-specific challenges. It surfaces the real reason each individual hesitates — and removes it. Every team member leaves with a 25+ page Strategic Playbook, and you leave with a full Director debrief and a clear before-and-after snapshot you can put in front of your GM. This is where the change begins.
The Shift is where it sticks. Everything in The Spark, plus three structured 50-minute virtual follow-up sessions across 90 days — all recorded, all tracked. Individual personality profiles ensure the coaching is individualized, strength based, not generic. KPI data is measured at every stage. A workbook built chapter by chapter across the 90 days becomes living proof of the change — not just a memory of a good training day.
The difference between a team that had a great session and a team that actually changed? Ninety days of structured follow-up.
A 30-Day Path Forward Within Your Team
Whether you're working with an external program or building momentum independently, sustainable change follows a clear arc:
Week | Focus | Actions |
1 | Shift Beliefs | Team meeting, individual diagnostic, set baseline |
2 | Teach the Formula | Training session, daily practice, reference cards |
3 | Coach Individuals | One-on-ones, address barriers, celebrate wins |
4 | Embed & Measure | Team debrief, weekly ritual, track results |
The goal throughout is not compliance, it's measured confidence.
A therapist who recommends because it feels right will outperform one who recommends because they've been told to, every single time.
The Invitation
The wellness economy is growing. Your guests are ready. The only thing standing between where your team is now and what they are genuinely capable of is the belief gap — and that is entirely closeable.
Before you redesign your training program, before you set new targets, before you have another difficult conversation about numbers — stop. Have a different conversation first. Ask your team what recommending feels like. You may be surprised by what you hear. And that surprise is exactly where the real work begins
If you're ready to move beyond the conversation and into genuine, measurable change, The Spark and The Shift are built for precisely that. Not reinventing what's already proven — just finding the most natural, comfortable route to the same destination: a team that recommends confidently because it feels right to them, and guests who finally get the results they came for.
📩 To find out which program fits your team, reach out directly at michelahenkecilenti.com or email michela@michelahenkecilenti.com
Dr. Michela Henke-Cilenti, CPTD is a behavioral and sales psychology consultant, executive coach, and keynote speaker specializing in the spa and hospitality industries, with 25+ years of experience across Ritz-Carlton, Four Seasons, St. Regis, Marriott, and leading independent brands across North America and Europe.
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